Subscribe to Modern Drunkard Magazine or we'll shoot this 12-year-old bottle of scotch.

Oh, we're serious all right. Do you see the hand holding the gun? It belongs to Dick Rosamorte, who just happens to be president of the Anti-Saloon League. That's right, he'd love to pull the trigger. Then he'd drive straight home, have a cup of herbal tea and sleep as sound as a baby. But would the rest of us? I don't think so.

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I'm staggering home.